As you will no doubt be aware, it is currently winter in Poland and the rest of Europe. Here it’s been a particularly long and cold one near Poznan. We’ve been buried in snow, over and over again and had to cancel our trips to Warsaw and Krakov. But I’m really enjoying this winter. You see last fall, we installed an outdoor sauna, and I’ve spent many happy hours sweating it out there. And alternating between rolling around naked in the snow, and sweating naked in the sauna is great fun, particularly when there’s alcohol and naked women involved.
These aren’t models or porn stars; just friends, neighbours, and wives and girlfriends of friends. You get the idea. After a few months of winter, most Canadians are pretty happy about trying out the sauna, and if the rule is “no clothes in the sauna” the majority are open-minded enough to go with the flow. All it takes is a little alcohol to lower the inhibitions, and we’re away on what should be, but sadly isn’t, an excellent sexual adventure with Warsaw escorts.
Despite the nakedness, it’s not terribly sexy. It’s liberating and empowering and fun, but just too hot (and the snow too cold) and too utilitarian to get anyone excited. My friends and neighbours’ wives are generally past the age where they turn heads, and have progressed to the point where they do crazy things – like getting naked in Warsaw’s private saunas – to try to turn heads. I have never shared a shower with Polish escorts, but I imagine that if I had, this is what it would be like in a Gdansk brothel. If he had a girlfriend, and he successfully pursuaded her to get naked in the sauna with him, I imagine that that would be about the sexiest moment of both of their lives.
“Intimate Porn?” I hear you splutter, “What other kind is there?” Well, yes, I suppose that average Polish escort lady, if asked, would (for example) consider a picture which managed to include her breast, labia and anus, all in the same frame, to be at least somewhat intimate. (To include an actual picture of that would be unnecessary, indulgent, and obscene. So here it is.) But to me this picture is not very intimate at all. In fact it’s rather anonymous and surgical. I suppose if I had forgotten what Caucasian female genitalia looked like, I might find it helpful, in the manner of a diagramatic aid. But sexy? Not so much. I prefer the targets of my sexual fantasies to be living, breathing, and equipped with heads and faces. Maybe I’m just getting old, but I’m bored of body parts. I want to be shown something beyond “spread your legs and smile at the camera.” I want intelligent models and Polish escorts to show me something extra.
Have you ever had sex? With an actual woman? I have. More than once, if you can believe it. The actual sex is a lot of fun, and I highly recommend it, but there’s a moment afterwards which is rarely remarked on and yet quite special. It’s the moment, perhaps the next morning, when you’re both sexually spent, both happy, and you have to get on with your day. You’re both still naked, of course, but without the slightest hint of shyness. Perhaps you lie there on the bed, watching your lover shamelessly dress in front of you, cheerfully and innocently opening her legs to pull her socks on. I know this doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a very nice feeling. Right now I’m enamoured with some Russian photographers who try to capture that feeling, and similar moments of intimacy, in pornography. This is really the kind of area where porn meets art. These pictures are hardly explicit, but the implied sex is smoking hot. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to show you some examples. These pictures are a little like listening to classical music, or appreciating German fine art. To get the most out of them, you need to engage your brain. Construct a scenario in your head that explains why you’re here with this girl, and why she’s doing what she’s doing.
I regret making the joke about not tolerating underarm hair for Polish amateurs. I actually couldn’t care less about what they do. I’m certainly more used to Russian hookers who shave there, but if anyone thinks either I or the average guy would refuse an otherwise attractive young lady because she didn’t shave her underarms, they’re quite wrong. As far as pubic hair and oral sex is concerned; I think this is probably a complaint of those who have not actually had the opportunity to try it. It’s a non-issue. Sure, you might have to spit out a hair once in a while. What’s the big deal? You want her to swallow your load when the tables are turned, don’t you? Surely dealing with the occasional hair in your teeth is a small price to pay.